【I Would Rather Kill You】

It has been a cruel 2017 thus far and I Would Rather Kill Younow the humble thimble, the universal symbol of the blessed sewers who toil and sweat over clothes, blankets, and so much more, has unceremoniously been booted from the choice of Monopolyfigurines.

In January, the game's maker, Hasbro, opened up fan voting on what it was calling MonopolyToken Madness for users to select new tokens for the game. But here's the twist: rather than simply replacing a token or two, as the game has done in the past, the current vote is to select all eight tokens for future versions of the game.

The makers of the game are already teasing us with the lineup, to be announced on March 19 -- which, come on, guys, we just had National Play MonopolyDay in November -- by informing us that the thimble has already been voted off the island.

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The humble thimble, there to protect your fingers from ferocious needle pokes while sewing, was one of the original tokens included with the game in 1935. It now joins other retired (and outdated) tokens like the cannon, the wheelbarrow, and the iron in the great Monopoly gig in the sky.

Current versions of the game feature 16 tokens which seems to defeat the purpose of everything described in the previous paragraphs, but far be it for us to upset the Big Board Game lobby.

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#LongLiveThimble.